Rehab Monday
Between the Dark Antler on Saturday from 3 - 1:00 AM, then the Golden Antler at 11:00 AM on Sunday, making a move back to the DA at 12:30...dear lord. No wonder I was asleep last night at 8, LOL. Woke up at 4:00 this morning with my boots still on. Least I had the good sense to leave early...for a change. The big snuggly one played a major part in my headspace. I know what I need to do. It's not about me and him...it's about the quality of life I can expect if I stay with this one. The anger and violence...it's only a matter of time.....
And it's been a long time since I had butterflies.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Leaving the past where it belongs
That's exactly what I'm doing. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the game, but that's just what it is - a game. I've moved from the fantasy side of the whole thing to the reality - he's a bored married man, desperate to recapture a piece of us. Because I used to be so easy for him, he's just not accustomed to me playing (let alone BEING) hard to get. I really should have counted incoming phone calls. They're pretty regular, and I answer every 4th or 5th one. When I feel like it. Between the one Saturday morning and the three spread out over the course of yesterday - I suppose I'm due to pick one up. But I still don't feel like it.
Drunken fiasco Saturday - leads to another boy calling me. No, I didn't DO anything. However, I miss having a big, snuggly one. The one at home hates more about me than he likes, this I know. I suppose I wouldn't be playing games if I was happy there, would I? Can't do anything right at home, and keep getting more put off the more he yells at me. He doesn't know he's effectively shoving me into doing something stupid. Or does he?
That's exactly what I'm doing. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the game, but that's just what it is - a game. I've moved from the fantasy side of the whole thing to the reality - he's a bored married man, desperate to recapture a piece of us. Because I used to be so easy for him, he's just not accustomed to me playing (let alone BEING) hard to get. I really should have counted incoming phone calls. They're pretty regular, and I answer every 4th or 5th one. When I feel like it. Between the one Saturday morning and the three spread out over the course of yesterday - I suppose I'm due to pick one up. But I still don't feel like it.
Drunken fiasco Saturday - leads to another boy calling me. No, I didn't DO anything. However, I miss having a big, snuggly one. The one at home hates more about me than he likes, this I know. I suppose I wouldn't be playing games if I was happy there, would I? Can't do anything right at home, and keep getting more put off the more he yells at me. He doesn't know he's effectively shoving me into doing something stupid. Or does he?
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